Things I'm Afraid To Tell You



I’m writing this post as part of the "Things I’m Afraid to Tell You" project. You may know by now that English is not my first language, and that I’m still learning it. I’m writing way more text in this post than I usually do, so please excuse me if I make language mistakes. 

Jess of Makeunder My Life wrote a beautiful, honest, inspiring post, sharing her feelings on the things she was afraid to tell her readers. Inspired by it, Ez from Creature Comforts encouraged bloggers to open up and share the things they’re afraid to tell their readers, in an open-book fashion. You can read Ez's post here. It’s a profound, moving post (I really mean it). And you can also find a list of bloggers participating, and add your own voice if you feel inspired. 

The point of it is to show that life is not as picture-perfect as we sometimes make it seem, that there’s a huge gap between how we, as bloggers, present reality (in an effort to share pretty and inspiring things) and what reality is. Don’t get me wrong : this is not about complaining about how life can be hard and unglamorous and how we all have negativity in our lives. It’s more about being honest, sincere, candid. It’s about authenticity, truth and trust. Ez put it like this : she’s inviting bloggers to make themselves vulnerable in an effort to make the bigger blogging community a better place.

I don’t share much personal information here. I don’t do that in real life either. I tend to hold back and hide under my shell. I’m actually super shy! One of the reasons I’m afraid to tell you the things I’m going to tell you, is that everything we put out there becomes public – meaning that everyone who has access to the internet, has access to what you shared. That’s scary. I know that if my parents read this (I hope they won’t ), they will worry. I have the best, most loving & caring family – and they tend to worry a lot for me. But well, I thought this would be a great opportunity to open up a bit. I’ll take the risk.

So, here are the things I’m afraid to tell you : 

1. I am sometimes ungrateful and pity myself. I sometimes forget all the good things I have in life and focus on the negative things. For example, I am really short on money, which means I need help from my parents, and I feel guilty about it. It also means that I don’t have my own place (I’m a lodger). I’m in my late twenties, so I'm really ashamed of not being able to rent an apartment. I tend to focus on that and forget that I’m lucky to have a roof above my head, and support from my family.

2. I wear a teeny tiny amount of clothes, limited to 4 tops, 4 bottoms, 2 cardigans, and 2 dresses. I do, however, have a really huge imaginary wardrobe! 

3. I love kids, I truly do, and I would really love to have some. But for a few reasons, including that I have PCOS, I don’t know if I’ll ever be a mom. 

4. I tend to be jealous and envious of people who just seem to have it all : a perfectly decorated home, a happy marriage, beautiful and healthy kids, a job they love and are successful at, a gigantic closet, a perfect figure... All the things I don’t have. I know this isn’t completely true, but things seem to be so easy for some people, and I envy them. Sometimes I’m so jealous that I forget to be happy for them. 

5. I have an abnormally high IQ. This is not something I easily talk about. For some reason, it makes me feel stupid. Knowing it makes me feel more ashamed of my underachievements and failures. 

6. I procrastinate. A lot. I think it's a kind of self sabotage. I think part of it is caused by my lack of self confidence, and my fear of doing wrong, or not good enough. Instead of trying harder, I don’t try at all. 

7. I lack of social skills. Well, I’ve improved a lot in that field. I can now enjoy parties and meeting new people. But I still try my best to avoid picking up the phone, and I’m still prone to social withdrawal sometimes. I think part of it comes from my fear of being rejected or laughed at. I have exaggerated concerns over what people think of me.

8. I am super sensitive and emotional. I can cry over a tiny detail, and I can worry for days about a tiny thing. I am incredibly anxious and always assume the worse. 

9. There’s a gap between my values and my ideals, and the way I actually live and behave. 

10. I’ve been through hard things in life. Well, I know we all have... As a result, I’ve had a dark period of eating disorder and severe depression. I’ve overcome it, mostly thanks to the support of my family and friends. I’m now calmer, healthier, happier, and mentally & emotionally more balanced, even though I’m still prone to pits of depression. 

If you made it through all of that, thank you so much for reading. This wasn’t easy for me to write. I’m about to click the “publish” button and it makes my stomach hurt a bit. I’m worried that knowing this will make you despise me. See, I’m always worrying! 

I encourage you to read Ez's post, where you can also find a list of participating bloggers. I hope you will be inspired by them, and even write your own « Things I’m Afraid To Tell You » post. If you do, please leave a link here so I can read it! 

Thank you, Ez, for getting more honesty into the blog world.


124 comments:

  1. Your honesty makes me appreciate your blog even more. Thank you for sharing.

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    1. Thank you so much Cassie, this really means a lot to me.

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  2. I love that you've shared this post (: I hope someday to be as brave as you and write my own! I think I'm good at letting little information slip, and getting that out feels pretty good. I just can't boldly write what's going on yet, someday I hope :) Thank you for sharing this though!

    xo Kayla

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    1. You're so right, getting things out feels good. If you're not ready to write a similar post, then of course don't do it. But if you ever feel like you may be ready, I really encourage you to just do it - writing this post made me feel so much lighter. Thank you so much for reading :)

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  3. I've been keeping up with your blog for a while now and I definitely appreciate all of the beautiful and *lovely* things you post, but I am even more encouraged and inspired by this post. I think vulnerability and transparency is something we need more in our culture. The truth is, no one has it figured out. Everyone has something they are dealing with and getting "there" (wherever "there" is) is totally a false goal. I don't know you personally, but I am proud of you for sharing a little more about yourself. Be encouraged!

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    1. You're right that everyone has something they're dealing with - this is something I forget sometimes. Everyone is fighting a hard battle, even if some of us are good at hiding it. Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement Laura. They mean a lot to me.

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  4. this post is just wonderful, and SO relatable... i'm a worrier, too. i lack self confidence, too. i sometimes think all the other people live better / more sparkly lives than i do. i feel i'm still stuck in my life - although i actually had so many big dreams, of which none has come true until now...

    but you know what: just sharing this and learning this about someone else that i think is totally fabulous... well, it's the biggest help, inspiration and hope you could give anyone. so thank you!

    i might just have to start my own 'things i'm afraid to tell you' series. would you mind?
    xo
    scarlett

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    1. You know, when I was about to click the "publish" button, I was really scared of what you would think of me. But hearing that it's given you hope, well, it means more than I can tell. It actually brings tears to my eyes!

      If you're thinking of writing your own "things I'm afraid to tell you", I really encourage you to do it. It feels good, it really does. And if you want to share the link here, I'd love to read your post too.

      xo,
      Clemence

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  5. I hear you, girl. Isn't it amazing how when you open up your heart, people respond by drawing nearer? We all have struggles. We all have unbeautiful things about us, and we all think we are alone. So, when someone shows us we are not alone, we all draw nearer and offer support. Bless you for your boldness!! :)

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    1. Yes, it is amazing. I’m amazed at this community, at your support and kindness. Thank you so much Hannah!

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  6. I always love reading this blog, but I especially loved your post today! It was so easy for me to relate to so many of the things you shared, and you are an inspiration for sharing them. Thank you!

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words Meghan! I think that the fact that you can relate to some of these things shows that we are all much more similar in our insecurities and struggles than we thought... And it feels good to know that we're not alone :)

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  7. I love this post! I've been a long time follower but I've never commented before but I had too on this one. I appreciate your bravery. When I was actively blogging I was afraid to write about some of the 'dark' things I dealt with but I decided that if I was honest and helped just one person, writing about my personal struggles with depression and OCD would be worth it. I appreciate your candor.

    Also, I had no idea English was not your first language. You've got it down perfect.

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    1. You're so brave and kind to have decided to be honest in the hope of helping other people with their own struggles... and I bet you did. I have visited your blog and I'm moved by your writings - truly beautiful.

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  8. I have come across a few of these wonderful posts and I love your's especially! I think I will add mine as well. So inspiring! Thanks for being so honest! xxx

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    1. Oh I really encourage you to add yours! You will feel loads lighter. And if you'd like to share the link, I'd love to read it.

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  9. Wonderful post. As other commenters have said, I had no idea that English is not your first language!

    I also wanted to give you hope re: PCOS. My sister has it, too. And worried terribly about her fertility. I know that everybody's different, but, in my sister's case, PCOS hasn't seemed to hamper her fertility at all. She's given birth to two perfect babies - without needing any medical help in becoming pregnant. Like I said, everyone's different, but I hope it helps to hear that. :)

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    1. My first language is French! I love English and I love writing in English even though I still have a lot to learn. It does help (a lot!) to read your sister's story. Thanks so much for spreading hope!

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  10. Anonymous5/07/2012

    Wow, what frankness and honesty here! It is inspiring to see people being open with things that most normally hide. I can relate to many of the issues you bring up here. Know that you are not alone. Thank you so much for being so brave to share all this!

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    1. Thank you so much for your support! It's uplifting to know that we're not alone!

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  11. Bravo pour ce billet Clémence ! YOU ARE AMAZING TOO!

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    1. Ohh mais merci Christelle! J'ai maintenant un grand sourire pour toute la journée :)

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  12. That was lovely Clèmence.
    I've found out that you are a lot like me. I'm also in my late twenties and have issues with depression, social interaction and procrastination. These days I have felt very guilty for the amount of work that I do or not do, and for not always feel like going out with friends. I think in the end it is a fear of feeling alone.
    I hope you find more peace in everything you do.

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    1. Larissa, I can so relate on what you just wrote. Just know that we are not alone! Sending warm thoughts your way.

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  13. Thank you so much for being open and honest! also, I have PCOS and have 3 kids! I unexpectedly got prego and then when my daughter was 8 weeks old, i got prego with twins!! no medical help at all! so be encouraged that miracles do happen, even times 3! :)

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    1. Ohhh, congratulations on your 3 kids! It's definitely encouraging to hear that :)

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  14. I love this post and the idea of the project that inspired it! Also, I've been reading your blog for several months and (like others, it seems) had no idea English was your second language.

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    1. Thank you so much Ale! I love this project too. It's so nice to hear so much honesty coming from every corner of the web. And my first language is French, but I love English so much that I truly enjoy writing in that language :)

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  15. Nope... this doesn't make me despise you. Just like you more! And I didn't know English was a second language for you. Thank you for your honesty... know that your contributions to the blogging world are very valued! Keep your chin up, a lot of people are rooting for you.
    xo Alanna

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    1. Alanna, thank you so much for your kindness and support...It means more than I can tell.

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  16. Thank you for sharing. I think we have a lot in common, they're surely several other readers that feel that way. It's nice to know there's a real human being behind the screen, the online world can be so ethereal, that it sometimes scares me. If we do get to share something about our lives we always show the best part of it. I tend to feel that everyboy looks so happy and things seem so easy for them...but it's not like that in reality... we all have our hard times, problems and defects, we're humans behind that HTML after all...

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    1. I couldn't agree more with everything you said. It’s nice to see how similar we really are behind the facade!

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  17. One nice thing about blogging is how much support you can get from people out there who really relate... and another is how writing a blog is a great way to test out the kind of presence you wish to have in the world. For me, blogging has been confidence building and I hope it's the same for you. I love the creativity of your site - I'm a regular follower and have been for quite some time. So thanks for sharing... all of it!

    x Catherine @ The Spring (in Sydney, Australia)
    http://www.thespringblog.com/

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    1. Catherine, thank you so much for your kind words. You're right... I'm amazed by the words of support coming here that are uplifting me in so many ways. You're also right about blogging being confidence building... It is, thanks to you & lovely readers. I feel so lucky!

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  18. Anonymous5/07/2012

    Just about everything you said made me think of this:
    http://shannon-o-neill.suite101.com/characteristics-of-adult-children-of-alcoholics-a200933

    These characteristics apply to people who experienced trauma in their childhood / teenage years, not only children who were raised amongst alcoholism.

    Here's a snippet if you don't want to click the link:

    "ACAs develop unhealthy relationships with themselves, as they are are constantly seeking approval, and therefore have difficulty forming an identity. They deny and avoid their feelings, and feel guilty when standing up for themselves. They have low self-esteem and are perfectionists who feel victimized and who view the world through the eyes of a victim. They feel isolated, fear people and authority, and are "frightened by angry people and personal criticism."

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    1. I've read the article and I can relate to every bit of it. I wasn't raised amongst alcoholism (I had the most loving, caring, and supportive parents) but I did experience a trauma in my childhood. Thank you so much for the link... For some reason, it made me feel better!

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    2. Anonymous5/08/2012

      It's nice to feel validated! You are very brave and you are not alone. The two biggest things I learned that greatly improved my life were, 1. Accept that with childhood trauma, you lose part of your childhood. When you lose something, it is imperative that you are able to take the time to grieve for it. 2. Learn to speak back to that voice that is always telling me I'm not good enough in a kind, gentle way, the way a parent should speak to a child. I say, "that is not true. You are talented and you can do this". It was very unnatural for me at first, but it gets easier and it makes so much difference. Good luck x

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    3. This really resonates.. I'll try my best to follow your advice, stop the vicious circle I've put myself in, and start accepting and getting over all this. Thank you so much for sharing that.

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  19. I've never seen you but you are beautiful. Thank you for your honesty. The layers of you allow for the layers of others. This is good.

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    1. Thank you so much Carla. You have no idea how much reading this means to me.

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  20. I love it when bloggers share personal things like this. We all get wrapped up in this image of perfection, and it's nice to be reminded that we actually are all real people. I like your blog even more now that you've shared this! :)

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    1. I completely agree with you about the image of perfection, that's why I love this blog challenge so much. Thank you so much for your sweet and supportive words!

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  21. Marian5/07/2012

    I don't know that I have ever commented on your blog before, but I love getting your e-mail updates and enjoy this beautiful corner you have created. I just wanted to say thank you for being so honest and open. I can imagine it was difficult to write, but thank you for sharing :-)

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    1. I was hesitant and scared to publish this, but it has been such a valuable experience. Thank you so much for your kind and uplifting words. Your comment just put a smile on my face :)

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  22. Wow, we have a lot in common, pretty much all of it in fact. Number 5 happens to me all the time when I don't score as well as others on certain tests or perform as well as them at my job (it is specialized to the point that my coworkers all of comparable levels). It has been hard coming to grips with that and I am currently bouncing back from a two year stint where I purposefully didn't try to study/pass just so I could honestly say that I didn't. It only served to hurt me in the end and I still have to force myself to apply my full attention to the matter at hand. Just tell yourself in your head that you're doing your best and to just put your full attention into your actions. Maybe it's just not what your mind is tuned to do.

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    1. I can so relate to what you wrote in this comment. It's crazy how hard we can be on ourselves. I'll try my best to follow your advice... thank you so much.

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  23. I've never commented before but I love receiving your blog via email. Just wanted to let you know that there is no "hating" here...can't you feel the love:) I have found that the more I try to live in a "glass house" the more free I become...keeping secrets seem to also keep us in bondage. Welcome to FREEDOM:) God bless you sweet lady:)

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    1. You know, I don't know what I was afraid of. I can feel the love. Thank you so much for your kindness and support and encouragement. Sending love back to you :)

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  24. Anonymous5/07/2012

    You are not alone. Many things that you have wrote, made me feel like I was reading my own thoughts..... and I know for sure that we are not alone! Don't worry about those things!!! =D

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    1. You're so right, I can see now that we're not alone. Thank you so much for the reminder :)

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  25. Thank you for sharing. I've admired your beautiful blog and your eye for beautiful things since the moment I found you. You are an inspiration and your willingness to openly share just makes me love you me!

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    1. That is so nice to hear, and so kind of you to say. I don't even have words to tell you how uplifting this is for me. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much!

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  26. One, four and seven really resonate with me. I normal just view this blog for the pretty pics but for some reason started to read this post and yesh I did finish it. I glad I did. I've been wanting to start my own blog but was (am) scared to because one I think my writing skills are lousy and secondly you risk rejection for strangers. Unfournately, that something that get at me too. Anyways, your post has given me the courage (maybe) to start my own. Thanks for this one.

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    1. Erin, something I've come to realize, and realize even more today, is that this community is full of kindness, love, and support. I know it's easy for me to tell you to go ahead and start your blog and stop being scared. But you know, if it can help you build confidence or find support or if it can be of any help for you, then I think it's definitely worth it. Thanks so much for reading!

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  27. Thank you for sharing all of that. I feel not so alone now! You and I are very similar. I've been dealing with depression/anxiety issues for as long as i can remember. I'm glad you're overcoming it.

    Thank you again!

    Ayla

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    1. No, you're not alone! We're not alone :) This showed me that we are all much more similar in our insecurities and struggles than we may think. Sending warm thoughts your way!

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  28. This was such a wonderful post. This is definitely one of my favourite posts by you. I'm so proud of you for having the courage to write all this up and share with us. Also: your English is really good, you should be proud of it. :)

    You've definitely inspired me to write my own. I'll come back and link you to it since you asked. Again: thank you for this post.

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    1. Thank you so much Amielle. Your support means a lot to me, more than I can tell. I really mean it.
      And yes, if you write your own post and care to share the link, I'd love to read it!

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  29. Brave- and really when you take each one line by line, so much in common with so many of us here. But you said it- out loud and I have nothing but admiration for what you've done here. I've gone through a couple of these posts now and I can say you really start to see the human thread that binds us all. Your post was the first that moved me to comment though. Thank you for sharing this with us.

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    1. Yes, we do have much more in common than I thought. And it feels great to know that we all have similarities, that we're not alone. Thank you so much for your support, your encouragement, your kind and uplifting words.

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  30. You've just blessed so many people with this post! I commend you for your vulnerability and transparency...

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    1. That's just the nicest thing to hear! It means more than I can tell. It really does. This was a bit terrifying to write, but I'm so glad I did. Thank you so much for your support and kindness.

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  31. Wow... thanks for sharing and being so vulnerable and honest! I have to tell you, we sound very much alike! I am right there with you, especially on numbers 1, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and 10... maybe someday I'll be brave enough to share like you have! :) Thanks, and God Bless!

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    1. Oh I hope you'll do your own version. It’s surprisingly therapeutic and rewarding. If you do and care to share the link here, I'd love to read it. Thanks so much for your kind words - sending warm thoughts your way!

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  32. I've never commented before, but always read your blog via the Google Reader. I really truly appreciate your honesty. I feel that in some ways we are alike, but different in some other ways. I hope you gain more confidence and courage. I'm rooting for you all the way! :)

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    1. Thank you so much Lisa, so sweet of you to say!

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  33. Danni, This was so wonderful and I can't tell you how beautiful it is to read about bloggers opening up this way. It's so easy to get caught up in a beautiful layout and perceived perfect life that blogs sometimes give off. I'm so happy to be a reader and to have the honor of feeling like I know you. :)

    Love,
    Evani

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  34. Sorry not Danni, Clemmence!!! Gah, now my comment is discredited. Lol

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    1. Haha, no worries at all!
      I couldn't agree more with you on blogs sometimes giving off the appearance of perfect life. That's why I love this project so much - it's nice to have a reminder that there is a person with flaws and struggles behind the screen!
      Thank you so much for your being so sweet :)
      Much love,
      Clemence

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  35. I feel a lot of those things myself. All that about what other thinks, i thought i was better, but i've realised, i wear diffrent clothes from others, like a protection. Crazy, most others would try to fall into the crowd, but not me. I'll go with lots of colours, but i think it is to show others and mostly myself that i really CAN be myself. I like to not fall into the crowd :)

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    1. Well I admire you! Keep on standing from the crowd, keep on wearing colorful clothes, and most importantly, keep on being true to yourself!

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  36. You are such an inspiring person. There are so many things I found common in myself and you. I'm shy and not social at all, but blogging keeps me motivated to go out there and show what I'm capable of. I'm amazed by your blog and the effort you put in every blog post - have been a reader for a while. :) Thank you for your honesty and I wish you to be strong and never ever lose faith in yourself, and keep up great blogging! :)

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    1. Marite, thank you so much for your kind words. You made my day (really!). And I'm so happy to hear that blogging has such a positive effect on you! I just started following your lovely blog :)

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    2. Clemence, thank you very much for follow and amazing comment :) (and that really made my day too) :)

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  37. Wow, I'm speechless... I can perfectly relate to some of the things you mention in this post. I also tend to hide from people. This must have been hard for you, but it sure will make you stronger. I loved your blog before and I love it even more because I know there is someone (a person with a heart, worries and feelings) behind it... you see, I think we tend to forget that sometimes on the Internet. And above all we are people, with all the things that entails. Thank you very much for sharing and keep on, you have a lot to be proud of!!!

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    1. You're right, it's so easy to forget that we are all people behind the screen. Thank you so, so much for your kind and uplifting words!

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  38. You are so incredibly brave, and you should feel a great deal of pride for sharing your feelings in this way. Blogs can play a significant part in people's lives (as bloggers and/or readers) and the perception of a 'perfect' life it so commonplace. You taking the time to write this post, and having the bravery to bare your soul (and press publish) is such a wonderful thing. I share quite a few of your anxieties, and I feel you've been able to put them into writing amazingly. So, thank you. Thank you so much. I'm sure you'll inspire countless readers to talk openly bout the things they usually hide.

    Lots of love, Gwyneth xoxo

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    1. Gwyneth, I can't thank you enough for your so kind words. It means so much to me. I feel so lucky and thankful for your support and encouragement and kindness and grace. Thank you so much.

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    2. Your post stayed with me for a few days, as I felt so inspired by how you embraced 'honesty.' I really hope the experience of writing the post, and the responses you've had have provided you with what you were hoping the experience would xo

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    3. It has provided me with so much more than what I could hope for. All I wanted was to contribute to bringing more transparency in the world of inspiration blogs. But it has provided me with more confidence in myself, but mostly, more confidence in other people. I fear people's reactions and often assume that they will be negative - and look how supportive and kind you have all been! I am so amazed by this lovely community of ours. Plus, knowing that it may have inspired a few of you, is the greatest reward of all. xo, Clemence

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    4. I'm so happy for you that you feel this way! It's so easy to shy away when you fear what other people think, but the rewards from facing that fear can be so worth it! You are very inspiring, and I really look forward to your posts. xo

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  39. This was absolutely beautiful. Thank you for your honest and courageous words.

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    1. Thank you so much, it's the nicest thing to hear.

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  40. Love your post, love your blog, Love you! Thank you so much! :)

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    1. Aw thank you so much Mariana! Sending love back to you!

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  41. Clémence, merci pour ce post, je me reconais dans certains points et je te trouve très courageuse d'en parler ouvertement car moi j'ai beaucoup de peine à le faire,tu m'as donné de l'espoir!
    J'en profite pour te dire que j'aime beaucoup ton blog, merci pour toutes ces jolies découvertes!
    Désolée d'écrire en français,mais je n'écris pas bien l'anglais..j'habite aussi en Suisse mais à Fribourg!

    Aline

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    1. Merci beaucoup pour ton message Aline, il me touche beaucoup. J'en profite pour de dire que tes doudous sont absolument adorables!

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  42. I was pretty amazed when I read this post. We have a lot in common including the PCOS. It was like reading someone wrote about me!
    I actually read it twice cuz I was like OMG this is me! I understand you! And believe me there's more people like us around. But it's good to overcome our fears and try to move one :) I know you will you have so much talent! Thank you for sharing this with the world.
    Take care!

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    1. Why thank you so much for your kind words! It's so easy to think that we're alone in our fears, flaws and struggles, and forget that there are people like us who are going through the same things and overcoming them. Thanks so much again! Sending warm thoughts your way :)

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  43. I felt like you were taking my thoughts out of my heart. I feel so many of those things and I am a photographer out in the internet with a blog and I procrastinate for the same reasons you do. I am dealing and trying to embrace all the good in my life and how far I've come too. Thank you so much for writing this. It seriously brought tears to my eyes to know I am not alone.
    Thank you
    thank you.
    xoxo.

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    1. You are definitely not alone! It can be so hard to gain confidence, start believing in yourself and give yourself the means to succeed. But I'm so happy to hear that you're embracing the good in your life! I'm sending warm thoughts your way!

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  44. thanks for sharing! I'm loving reading and seeing peoples "things I'm afraid to tell you" posts. Its making me feel a bit more normal!!

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    1. I love reading these posts too ; they have such a positive effect! And I don't know you, but I bet you're better than just normal :)

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  45. This was very brave. Thank you for sharing! It's so difficult to share the true parts of ourselves, because our world is so harsh to those that are different. I just started reading your blog in the last couple of weeks, and this is my first comment, but I find your blog very inspiring. Sending you love!

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    1. Thank you so much, so sweet of you to say! You're right that our world can be harsh...but the reponse to this post has showed me that it can be so kind, too. Sending love back to you!

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  46. Me Too5/09/2012

    You have taken the biggest, most painful first step... doesn't it feel wonderful? :O) You have shared your inner most insecurities and you now know that we still care about you and love your blog. Being human is refreshing, especially if you can help others less brave in their journey. I am old enough to be your mother... but I still have fears and insecurities, and so I thoroughly enjoyed your posting today, as I do every other day too. Thank you for letting us in, and trusting us with your deelings. Many happy Blessings to you.

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    1. Well it does feel wonderful! I feel much lighter, and hearing that I may have inspired others means so much to me. Thank you so much for your kind words. Blessings to you too!

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  47. Thank you for sharing that with us! I was moved to tears, because it reminds me of myself! You're so brave and I admire you! Also, love your blog! ♥

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    1. Aw, thank you so much, this is so sweet of you to say! Sending warm thoughts your way :)

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  48. Clemence, Thanks so much for being honest and sharing everything you have here. You are not alone! so much of what you said above could apply to me too! I think it's important to be honest especially in this blogging world. What you describe, about you as a real person, is just as lovely as the beautiful things you share with us every day. xo anne

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    1. Well Anne, aren't you the sweetest? I agree that it's important to be honest in this blogging world, and from now on, I'll try to incorporate more honesty in my posts. Thank you so much for your kind words.

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  49. This is the first post I've read from you and I'm subscribing right now! Thank you for sharing so honestly, as with many others, I can relate to a LOT of your feelings. I'm new to blogging and would love to do this, but I don't think I'm ready yet. I will definitely file it away as something to write about once I've found my feet a little more. And your English is brilliant! Better than many people who speak only English ;)

    kitty
    xo
    Kitty & Buck.

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    1. Thank you so much Kitty, so sweet of you to say! When you'll feel ready, I really encourage you to just do it - it makes you feel so much lighter.

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  50. Thank you for sharing your feelings with us! It's very brave of you to share your feelings with us (and the rest of the world!). Would love to do this on my own blog, but maybe it's to early for me. Will keep it in mind though. I hope all these sweet comments will make you feel a little better and inspire you to write us soon about the things that make you happy instead of insecure. And for the record... it's okay (I hope) to feel sad and only look at the things that don't go according plan. But be sure to add a happy feeling afterwards :-)

    Love, Sari

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    1. Well if you ever feel like you may be ready, I really encourage you to just do it. It has been such a valuable experience for me. And I love the idea of writing a happy things post, I'll keep that in mind :)
      Thank you!

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  51. Thank you for the honesty!! I respect that!!! I say live your life like an open book, and you will never regret what you have done. Knowing that someday it may be open and exposed!! I will continue reading knowing you are honest! ~ Tiffany

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    1. Thanks so much Tiffany! I think I should definitely take your advice and start to be less mysterious... I'll try anyway :) Thanks so much for reading!

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  52. wow. Thank you so much for this post. It was so courageous of you to be so open and honest. We sound a lot alike although I am a lot older that you so I feel like I should have sorted through some of the things we have in common. Thanks for this post and for your lovely blog.

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words Kristine. I guess we can't sort through everything, no matter how old we are. I think a lot of these insecurities will accompany me all life long..but maybe we can learn to live with them?

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  53. I've been a quiet reader of your blog for awhile now and I just want to say thank you for writing this. Honest posts like this make the world feel just a little bit smaller and make us [me] realize we aren't alone...that there is always someone else out there who shares similar worries and "secrets".

    You've inspired me to write my own post...thanks again for sharing!
    xo, kass

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    1. Thank you so much Kassie. This is actually something I hoped this post would bring : showing us that we're not alone. Thank you so much for writing your own post too... I've read it and left a comment there - such an honest, candid post!

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  54. Anonymous5/16/2012

    I can relate to many of the things you have written. And believe me, some of the things you list get better with age. You are still very young. As we get older, confidence and coping ability improve. And also things come to pass that once seemed impossible.
    I too never thought I would have children due to a health issue. I have two healthy and amazing daughters and I just celebrated my 12th Mother's Day.

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    1. Thank you so much for your comment. I too think that some things get better with age. When I look back at how I was ten years ago...I know I improved a lot. Congratulations on your two beautiful daughters!

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  55. I'm right there with you on 1, 4, 5, 6, & 7.

    I have nothing encouraging to say that hasn't already been said. Just that,you're really not alone. :)

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    1. Well knowing that I'm not alone is already super encouraging! Thanks so much Jessica :)

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  56. I found this post somewhat by accident and wanted to tell you that I too have PCOS and a little boy who is almost two. He came along completely by accident because we didn't think it was possible. I ovulate maybe maybe once a year and would never know when that was going to happen. He's my miracle and we are not giving up hope that it'll happen again.
    Don't be scared - miracles do happen.

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    1. If your boy is that cute little guy on your profile picture, then you made a gorgeous baby! Thank you so much for your words of encouragement.

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  57. Beautiful post. Thank you so much for sharing your personal fears and worries. I know I share many of them, and it helps to know others feel the same. It's obvious to me, and I'm sure all your other readers see it too, that you have many, many talents -including your fantastic language skills, your enormous creativity, and your exceptional skills as a blogger and communicator. And I can also tell that the struggles you have overcome (and are still overcoming) are making you into a truly wise, compassionate human being. Thank you again.

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    1. That is so nice to hear, and so kind of you to say. I don't even have words to tell you how uplifting this is for me. It means more than I can tell. It really does. Thank you so much for your support and kindness.

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  58. Your post make me think a lot, thanks! :) beautiful post.

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